General

Battlefield 3

Many people know that I’m a big fan of Battlefield 3. The series itself has always been one of my favorites, second only to either Mortal Kombat or Halo (those two have been fighting it out for years to grab the top spot). When the new game came out last November, I jumped on it and started blasting away at people.

As with any game, there were bugs that needed to be worked out. Some allowed players to abuse the system, making the game play even more difficult when playing with a team full of people who are only out for themselves. Then came the hackers. Assholes who would join games to piss everyone off by showing their spectacular ability to buy tools people made to fuck with the game. Keep in mind that most of these guys aren’t doing anything special. They’re usually using crap they bought to one shot kill you from any point in the map with any weapon they want, including the knife.

So DICE, the makers of Battlefield, have been hard at work pretending to fix problems while making new ones. This latest batch of changes that came down was so lengthy that the Yahoo! Terms of Service was a quicker read. Some of the changes made sense, but others did not.

C4 and Claymores

In the game, you can leave landmines for vehicles to run over. You can also set claymores and C4 to kill people with. These items would remain after you died, making them useful weapons. Now, with so many people crying about being killed by them, DICE has made it so the claymores and C4 vanish after you die. The landmines remain, but the others disappear. Why? Because, that’s why.

Many have said that it makes sense for C4 to vanish because you wouldn’t expect to have the same remote control when you come back. They said this would add to the realism. Well that’s simply stupid. I wouldn’t expect to be shot in the face with a shotgun and survive either, but that happens. I also wouldn’t expect to be blown up by a grenade and then get revived back into top shape by a medic with paddles either.

But if that’s the logic you want to go by, why do the claymores vanish? Setting claymores to guard an area is almost useless. Plus, they barely work now. I’ve set dozens of these damn things and only had two of them go off. People can sneak by them by crouching or crawling, but I’m talking about claymores that these assholes are just running around in front of, standing straight the hell up. My claymores sit there like they don’t give a shit.

Guns are Dumbed Down, so All is Fixed

A big complaint people had was that the USAS was over powered. This was probably true, but then again it did add to that realistic part of being shot with a shotgun would likely kill you. But even as someone who used the hell out of that gun when it was a heavy shooter, I can go with the idea of decreasing its kick. The M320 was also turned down. It’s a grenade launcher that will see more use in one round from a single US player on Operation Metro than a whole team on any other map.

Grenades are also quicker to reload. I suppose this makes a bit of sense, but at the same time now you have assholes who do nothing but spam grenades all day long. Combine this with a team full of halfwits who are more concerned with their own Kill/Death ratio and you have a team that has no chance of winning purely because of their own fear of trying.

But more has come with the dumbing down of the guns. Some guns are useless while others seem to be the new USAS. The M16 is apparently the greatest gun on the planet. Perhaps it’s just a few assholes abusing a glitch with it, but this gun seems to be the end all of guns. You can kill damn near instantly and snipe people from the Moon. I’ve been killed by that gun numerous times from places that make no sense. Meanwhile, I shoot a guy point blank in the face with a USAS and not only does he kill me but he runs off with 68% health. Something isn’t quite right here. I would think it would be a little hard for him to run off at all without a head.

The Stinger rocket launcher (and the Russian version) is also more ridiculous than it used to be. It used to take forever to lock on to a target. Well apparently DICE thought that was too quick, so now it takes forever plus a few minutes. I’ve pointed right at targets that were literally 20 feet away and the asshole rocket launcher would just sit there like the batteries were dead on it. When it would decided to target, it would only start to target for a few seconds and then somehow lose the aircraft that even Stevie Wonder could see. But of course, when you are lucky enough to get a shot off, the pilot pops flares and you have to wait another week to fire at them, if they haven’t flown outside of your range — which seems to be nearly any distance which wouldn’t put you inside the fucking aircraft with the enemy you’re trying to kill.

The knife

One of the coolest things that you can do in Battlefield is to knife a person. You come up behind them, turn them around and stab them the chest or throat, depending on the team you’re on. The animate is awesome and it makes the player jump when their character quickly turns on their own to see someone else on their screen killing them.

Apparently, the coolness of this had to be dumbed down as well. I can’t tell you how many times my character has stood right on top of someone, pulled his knife and done nothing. I can’t tell if he just wants to show it to them or he’s about to cut a thread from their pants. All he does is stand there like he’s waiting on you to tell him to do something. Feel free to hit the button over and over again. After standing on top of a guy who didn’t know I was there and hitting the knife attack button more than 6 times, then trying my mouse as well, I finally gave up and just shot the asshole to death. If realism is supposed to be included here, make this dickhead use his knife instead of holding it out and forgetting what the hell he was planning to do.

Response Time

Ever since I switched my internet service provider, I’ve had great internet response times. My download and upload speeds are high, my ping times are low, and I don’t have issues with traffic falling apart like I did with Centurylink.

Despite my awesome internet, since the recent changes applied to the game I’ve noticed that the response times from you and the character suck ass. Several times I’ve had to tell him to blow up his C4 multiple times before it actually went off. Also, suicide bombing has been made more difficult now that he can drop a brick of C4 (which he can throw an impressive two feet away, I might add) and hang out with the guys for a while before he notices that you do in fact want him to blow them the fuck up. Chuck C4, hit plunger, boom. That’s what should happen. Instead, it’s more like chuck C4, do complex calculus in your head, decipher cryptic symbols from a dream you had, remember to call your aunt Rhonda, hit the plunger, boom. Now, if you happen to jump into a bunch of guys who are all AFK, this is fine. However, that never happens so you end up dying. Previously this wasn’t as much of a problem but now the C4 disappears as well.

Forget the C4. Many people hate suicide bombing. Those are usually the people who are dead from it because they weren’t paying attention to the crazy asshole running at them without a gun. Shooting response time is also slowing down. I’ve pulled my gun many times to find out that my character thinks the trigger has cooties on it. I threw my keyboard across the room the other day because I was getting so pissed off at the game. Granted, that may have been a little extreme but if there was a DICE developer around I would have directed my aim a bit better.

Fixes Left Unfixed

DICE rolled out this massive list of fixes that were coming down, and so far there are quite a few that haven’t been done. Mav riding is still being performed. Many times I’m finding asshole snipers in places you shouldn’t be able to get to. People are still hiding in walls and ceilings. Vaulting is no better than it was before. Instead of jumping over a railing, your character likes to wave his legs in front of it, as if to do a small dance before being killed. However, he’s perfectly fine with trying to vault up a staircase, which ultimately slows him down and makes him a target. Still, he can’t always find a way to climb into a train car or over a 6 inch piece of wood on the floor.

I do have to say that I haven’t been randomly launched into my own death lately. One of the bugs I’ve not encountered in quite some time was on Operation Metro, from the US side. When running from the home base, a few times my guy was shot gunned across the train tracks into a wall to his own death. While completely hilarious for others to see happen, this hasn’t occurred for a while.

Now that Premium is out for $50 and DICE is trying like hell to push that, I see a lot of these problems lingering for quite some time. Some of them I can ignore, such as when my character tried to setup his bipod on the back of the guy in front of him, or him spawning off of another player and not knowing what the hell direction he’s facing. Others I can’t. Grenades that vanish and MAVS that refuse to spot people and devices piss me off. Prior to the changes, these things were different. Now, it’s fucked. But, the guns are dumbed down so all is well.

I would write more, but I’m off to go play this pain in the ass. I can’t help it. The fucker is addictive, though highly annoying. Sort of like getting a blowjob from Paris Hilton. It’s good and horrible at the same time.

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