How to Become President in 2 Easy Steps

Becoming President seems like a difficult task, but as we’ve seen recently, it isn’t that hard. In fact, it’s pretty simple and can be done in two steps.

Becoming President – Step 1: Be what they don’t expect

The American public does not trust the government. This is pretty common knowledge, but it doesn’t stop at the idea of “government”. Citizens of this country also distrust politicians — as long as those politicians are on the opposing team at least.

Because of this distrust, you can easily jump up the polls by actually siding with the fears and anger of this country. However, you can’t do it in the normal political babble kind of way. Politicians don’t speak like regular people. Instead, they carefully craft every syllable until they sound like a technical manual that often makes vague responses to questions asked of it.

You need to talk it like a regular person. Be brash. Talk shit. Become the asshole everyone else is. Act just like everyone else.

You should also ignore the unwritten rules of the game. Politicians typically act as if they are royalty, somehow better than everyone else. They have their heads shoved so far up their ass that they should be able to simply roll their way into the Senate building. You can’t act like that if you want to become President. You need to act like a normal person. Don’t take shit from anyone and answer questions in a way that shows you don’t give a crap about what people think of the answer.

You will see your poll numbers rise. You will see the media take notice. Some people will love you while others will hate you. This will quickly divide the political spectrum. The higher your numbers rise, the better, but that is not the end. To become President, it does not stop here. No, there is something else that must be done.

You need to get crazier. You need to start saying things that are offensive to many. You need to go on the attack. You need to go at this like a deranged lion. Don’t stop. Shake things up so badly that even your own political party is shocked, broken and attacking you.

Becoming President – Step 2: The reveal

As it turns out, you were never this person. You were the opponent who was part of a game. The game is to find someone who will be the person in Step 1. They will hit things so hard that people will hate them, including members of their own political party. It doesn’t matter what you do, what scandals you’re a part of. If you find someone like this, you will become President.


As I said, it’s a game. We’re the expendable pieces. They will lie and manipulate us as much as possible, all for their own personal gain. This year, if you really want to make a difference in this country, show them how much you don’t trust them. Vote for yourself

Vote for yourself. That’s right, cast a ballot for yourself instead of the bullshit we’ve been given. If you honestly think these people give a shit about you or what you want, you are sorely mistaken. So show them how much you don’t believe in either of them. Vote for yourself. Some may say you’re just throwing away your vote. That’s horse shit. You’re throwing away your vote when you vote for Clinton or Trump. Neither of them deserves to become President and giving them your vote means settling.

Don’t vote for “the lesser of two evils.” That’s still voting for an evil, dumbass. That’s like saying “would you like to be hit in the face with this 2×4 or with this 2×4.” Either way, you’re getting smashed in the face with a 2×4.


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