Stupid and Weird

Dreaming of Amy Acker

I often have very strange dreams that cause me to wake up and wonder what the hell is going on in my head. From being chased by angry dwarfs to solving murders with Miguel Ferrer, my dreams seem to be on the weird side pretty frequently.

amy-acker4Last night, I found myself being the best friend of Amy Acker. Yes, the actress Amy Acker. She and I were buddies. From the looks of things, we were those kinds of friends that were close enough to be on the fence about being just friends and being that other thing everyone wishes they were with Amy Acker. Let’s face it, she’s one of the most beautiful women on film.

Because my dreams can’t just be normal, Amy and I were also Walmart employees. We both worked at the front of the store. She ran a register and I was her personal bag boy. As far I know, Walmart doesn’t actually have baggers anymore, instead opting to make the cashier’s use that carousel of plastic bags. Never the less, that was my position and no one was taking that away from me.

At one point in my dream, Amy and I were standing around, talking with one or two other people. Actually, it was more like we were talking near them. They were part of our group, but we were only talking to each other. In this part of the dream, it was made more obvious that our friendship would possibly lead to more. If things progressed like a normal story, that’s what would have happened next.

But my brain doesn’t work that way. No, there was a smaller back story which wormed it’s way in. Amy and I were being hunted by Terminators. Yes, the same machines represented by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robert Patrick and Summer Glau. Those big metal “fuck up your life and make you a pile of broken sadness” machines had it in for us. I’m not sure why, but they had us on their target list. The only thing that helped us was that they didn’t know we worked at Walmart, a condition that I‘m sure we would have preferred our imaginary dream friends also suffered from.

The Terminator part entered when one of them walked past us, carrying a few bags of random shit he just bought. He was an older guy, walking past us like he had no idea who we were. However, in my mind, I knew that he was a terminator. Yes, that 60+ year old wrinkled man with the brown cap was a machine from the future. Thankfully, he didn’t realize who we were. Still, I knew that if he came back, I would have to do battle with him in order to save Amy from the murderous rampage of Skynet’s puppet of death.

1At some point, we went back to checking people out. I was bagging items for her and she was performing her cashier duties with a skill level that is mostly unmatched in most retail outlets. By that, I mean she was also smiling and talking to the customers, acknowledging their existence and not throwing their jars of gravy on the floor.

He came back! The old machine man was back, checking out something else in my could be future girlfriend’s line. I couldn’t believe it. Did he know who we were? Had he somehow figure out that we were his mission? Was he back to exact his vengeance on us? Would we have to run for our lives, hoping to make it to the $4 DVD bargain bin where we would hide out for days undetected, as it’s impossible to find a fucking thing you’re looking for in there.

Apparently none of that was the case, because he just walked away when he was done buying more random junk. Amy and I were safe. Safe inside my head because unfortunately I woke up before anything else could happen.

What makes things weirder is that it’s been a year or so since I’ve watched anything Amy Acker has been in. I absolutely love her as an actress. I believe she does a phenomenal job, but seriously, where the hell did she come from? Is this my brain’s way of trying to get me to watch Dollhouse again, suggesting that I fast forward through all of the scenes that she isn’t in? Does it want me to play Dear Santa on Netflix again, just so I can once again see how adorable she is?

I have no idea. This is my brain we’re talking about. There’s no telling what’s going on inside that maze of weird. It could have been showing me this awesome footage of Amy Acker just to tease me. Perhaps the next step was to get her making out with me, half naked and then turning her into Steve Buscemi. My brain is kind of an asshole like that.


The moral of this story is that Amy Acker is fantastic. She’s gorgeous, brings a beautiful smile and has that “girl next door” look which is absolutely perfect. She also has awesome legs, but that’s a completely different article all together. Hopefully a dream as well, though I’d probably see her legs lead up to the body of John Malkovich or something.

My brain is such a shit sometimes.

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