Already, Tweenlight fans everywhere are blocking my blog from their browsers. They’re texting their friends, huddled in their chat rooms dissing me under the name Bella2382, and secretly making out with Robert Pattinson in their minds. Rest easy, this isn’t about the boring dumbness of the films. If I dumped all of my annoyance with this particular franchise into one blog posting, I would be writing for months. No, this is more pinpointed at recent events: the “leaked” pictures.
Apparently, evil hackers broke into the Twatlight secret special vault where they protect the precious and utterly brilliant work that is “Breaking Dawn”. It should have been called “Breaking Wind” because once I heard about this, I smelled shit. Stephenie Meyer, the author of this retarded series, has come out and pleaded with fans of the pop chain to resist the temptation of looking at the still shots.
“As some of you may know, pictures and screen grabs of ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn’ as a work in progress have leaked on the internet. We are extremely proud of this film and also extremely heartbroken to see it out there at this stage.
The film and these images are not yet ready or in their proper context. They were illegally obtained and their early dissemination is deeply upsetting to the actors, the filmmakers and Summit who are working so hard to bring these movies to fruition to you in November 2011 and November 2012.
Please, for those who are posting, stop. And please, though the temptation is high, don’t view or pass on these images. Wait for the film in its beautiful, finished entirety to thrill you.”
I saw some the pictures she is talking about. They were pretty boring. I don’t feel that my life has changed any after seeing them, and I doubt anyone else who saw them had any divine reaction to them either. A few random still shots of the emotionally impotent Kristen Stewart and the love child of Frankenstein’s Monster and James Dean (Robert Pattinson in case you were confused) were apparently the most important thing to this imaginary hacker. While I haven’t seen anything Zombie Stewart has said, her bed buddy had this to say:
“It’s just ridiculous. I literally can’t believe that it happened. I want the ‘Twilight’ troops to mobilize, all the good fans, and find out who these little sh–s are and just hack into their computers and destroy them. I’m being genuinely serious, ‘Twilight’ fans … Punish them.”
I have a pretty good idea of who did it though, and I’m sure most other people do as well. The studio did it. Seriously, can both of these idiots really make fun of their fans any more other than actually trying to make them believe this bullshit? If a hacker did this, why didn’t they take all of what was available? The script and large hunks of the movie were likely stored there as well, so why didn’t they take that stuff? I’m sure the answer to that would be that they probably did. Ok, so why didn’t they release that first? That would have made more sense if they had actually taken something of actual value, and not the lame ass pictures that have been getting removed from the web. This was staged, and so completely obvious that you’d have to be a brain dead sea monkey (or Nancy Pelosi) to believe this load of shit.
I also don’t believe Kristen Stewart is upset about any of this. It’s not because she hasn’t said anything, but more so because I don’t believe she has the ability to be upset. She appears to be on a constant heroine buzz, so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t give a shit.
But keep telling everyone not to check out the specifically picked and studio distributed pictures. That should make people quit. Ask Barbara Streisand if that works.