Titanic and MSN’s Rose vs Jack

MSN’s Rose vs Jack

TitanicLast Sunday was the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster. For those of you who are new to this planet, or dumber than a bag full of Nicole Richie’s, the Titanic was a very large passenger ship that sank into the Atlantic ocean. It wasn’t just a movie, and Leonardo DiCaprio was not involved. The fact that some people don’t realize it actually happened is enough proof that the human race is unsavable.

Titanic sitting on the bottom of the oceanDespite the stupid ass people who didn’t realize the giant boat was actually real, the disaster itself has ingrained itself into the world and will always be remembered. More than 1500 people died after the ship ran into the side of an iceberg in the darkness of night, though warnings had been issued of the danger itself. The Titanic disaster has spawned many movies, books, and documentaries, and become a popular culture icon. This is why it’s so amazing when someone explains that they didn’t know this was a true story.

James Cameron created a very compelling movie about the disaster that chronicles the fate of the ship and those aboard. It does add in a few fictional people as well, such as Jack and Rose, two people of differing classes who meet and fall in love. Besides the ship herself, these were the main stars of the movie.

Titanic MovieThe film, which runs over 3 hours, shows a lot of the cause for the crash and the enormous amount of death that resulted from it. Titanic was said to be virtually unsinkable and was heralded for its massive size, running almost 900 feet long. In the film, you see how the hype around Titanic may have led to its demise. The ship was carrying enough lifeboats for just over half the passengers aboard, a decisions which was made purely on cosmetic appearance. The White Star Line, makers of the Titanic, opted for less boats because you would be able to see less of the sea, as if the big ass ocean they were in was going to be invisible because of 32 more lifeboats. In the end, 1500 people saw a lot more of the sea than they wanted to thanks for the idiocy of this company.

Also in the film, you are shown how class played a part in the disaster. Class is that made up bullshit that people use to try to prove they are better than others. Somehow, having more money makes you a gentleman whose life means more than that of a janitor. Had the janitor known what was going to happen, he likely would have killed the rich asshole and taken his place on the boat — the boat which was not full by any stretch of the imagination. As the movie shows, many of the boats were not filled to capacity. According to Wikipedia, some of the boats were not even carrying half of their capacity limit, meaning that the people who launched those boats basically murdered those who were not allowed passage.

Wikipedia also has a chart that shows the difference of life lost based on class and gender in. The difference is amazingly sad. More third class men died than all of the first and second class passengers combined. This would have likely turned out differently had everyone on the boat known what the assholes who were keeping them from living had done. Surely, shortly after they  hit that iceberg, you would have had a group of people ripping the ship to pieces to build a large raft. I know that if I was one of those passengers, and I knew that the lifeboats were greatly in short supply, I would be building something for us to float away in, especially in an age when class was so heavily influential. Fuck your money, I’m using your dresser as a boat and you can kiss my ass.

Kate WinsletAt the end of the film, when the ship goes down, Rose and Jack are among the many people who were stranded in the water. Recently, MSN ran an article that debated whether or not Rose could have allowed Jack to get onto the giant plank of wood she was floating on after it sank. While it’s been a long running joke that she should have just moved her fat ass over and let this skinny shit on, I don’t think it’s possible that she could have. In fact, they tried and it didn’t work. They both fell off. Jack would have been better off finding another hunk of wood to float away on, but instead chose to stay next to her and die rather than live and have lots of sex when they got rescued. I don’t know about everyone else, but I would much rather live and bone Kate Winslett than die in the middle of the ocean.

While it’s true that MSN likes to have stupid ass articles like this, they also like to have dumbass polls. In this case, they asked the question “Could Jack have survived the sinking if Rose had acted differently?” Of the three answers you are allowed to choose from, “No” is not among them. Instead, you can only pick from three stupid ones.

Yes, they should have somehow shared the plank

No, they couldn’t. Did you not see them try that and fail? Plus, as someone on Reddit pointed out, the two of them on that blank would have sank it anyway. Again, must I reference her fat ass?

Yes, she should have stayed in the lifeboat so he wouldn’t have to worry about her

Billy Zane, wanting to kill Leonardo DiCaprioDealing with hypothetical ideas like this prove nothing. In the movie, Rose’s fiancé is hell bent on destroying Jack. You would be too if your future wife with such a fat ass was leaving you for some scrawny artist who draws one legged prostitutes (I didn’t make that up). Also, considering they were going to leave him for dead earlier in the film, it’s a safer bet that the fiancé would have killed him or at least tried. In fact, the only motivation Jack had for even trying to live was to help Rose live. With her on the boat rowing away, that motivation is gone. Sure, now he knows she’s going to survive so if he ever wants to hit it again, he’s going to have to get his shit together. However, he now has to fight with Billy Zane and his unending disgust for him.

Uh, they are fictional characters who never really existed anyway

This is a stupid answer to a stupid question, so I guess it’s the only thing that really made sense to be posted. However, giving us the ability to say “No” would have been good as well, rather than asking a Yes or No and only allowing one side for your biased bullshit.

The disaster of the Titanic was a shitty situation for so many people. Many of them were coming to the U.S. to become citizens, and instead became residents of the Atlantic Ocean, 12,000 below its surface. Ideally, I think they would have opted for the next boat if they would have realized how shitty the service was going to be on this one. I used to wonder why they didn’t try to jump on the iceberg after they hit it, but obviously that was a stupid idea as well. Almost as stupid as the ship that came to their rescue ignoring their beacons for so long. The lack of action from the Californian, a ship that was only a few miles away, essentially doomed those who went down with the ship, including the man who made it. Sadly, even being the builder of the ship, his insistence of safer measures such as more lifeboats and a double hull were overruled by people with shit for brains.

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